The Ormond family communication model

I found this today and thought it was funny. It was intended for my new sister in-law, Stephanie. Mandy asked the family to write a piece of funny advice for Stephanie, a kind of Ormond Family User Guide. We were going to give it to her as a wedding gift. I thought it was a really funny idea and apparently I was the only one to write anything. Mandy didn't even write one. So here it is. To friends swimming with the Cephaloblog—some of this may not be as funny to you. Family—I expect this to be quite funny to you.

A Word on Communication
By now you may have noticed that Ormonds are not the best communicators. We like to communicate; we just don’t do it much. The idea is, “why ask when assuming is so much quicker?” The possibility is quite high that you will find yourself on the other end of an “Ormond assumption” conversation. I offer a brief example that is fictional, but entirely possible.
You: “Hi [insert any name that ends in Ormond], I was just going to call you.”
Any Ormond (here-to referred to as AO (no relation to the actual AO, which will be here-to referred to by his given name “Aaron Kelly Ormond”)): “So are you excited about moving this weekend at noon?”
You: “I’m not moving.”
AO: “Oh. Well I saw those extra boxes in your bedroom last week and so naturally assumed you were moving.”
You: “Those were shoe boxes. Macy’s had a sale.”
AO: “Macy’s had a sale!? Is that where you got your new refrigerator too?”
You: “We didn’t buy a new refrigerator.”
AO: “You didn’t? Well it just looked so clean, naturally I assumed that it was new.”
You: “When you were here last week you cleaned it, remember?”
AO: “Oh yeah … Hey did you hear about a sale at Macy’s?”
You get the idea. Don’t be fooled, Ormonds like to communicate. We are social creatures by nature; however, the art of oratorical interpretation is a tricky one to pin down. This coupled with the Ormond gift of imagination can act to the disadvantage of certain members of our clan. With the advent of cell phones, text messaging (sans articles such as “the, and, or, it’s”), e-mail (sans attachments, long body copy, or misleading subject lines such as “We’re having a baby! Cat.”), and Skype—AO (not to be confused with Aaron Kelly) has gotten better at communicating.
I would recommend the use of multiple mediums to convey important information. Mandy is a good example. During hurricane Ike—which would make Houston and Southern Texas Tina I guess—Mandy reached out with e-mail (brief and to the point, “At Mark’s. No electricity. No running water. What goes well with cold soup?”), and a cell phone call (however, a certain AO was not available upon the first call, subsequent calls were answered and information was relayed). Mandy tackled her information dissemination needs with a two pronged assault and got the answers she needed: “Saltines Mandy. They go well with any Healthy Choice soup you can imagine.”
I hope you find this information useful. I assumed you were wondering about the AO communication infrastructure. Now you know. One last suggestion that I’m hoping will be adopted family-wide. I purpose the use of courier pigeons for any extremely important information that Errol Kelly Ormond needs to know. This would combine two of Errol Kelly Ormond’s favorite things; birds and hearing from his children. Cautionary note: be sure to use Pigeons. Courier doves or ducks would prove disastrous, and hummingbirds—however speedy are impractically small.
AOs (all Ormonds) welcome you to the family.