Tom Cruise for President...he's got something to say.

I had a funny thought today. What would a conversation that used only clichés sound like? In school all my English professors lectured the class to “Never use clichés” because they were meaningless. I actually wrote a paper about clichés and how they can be viewed through a certain lens (English snob way of saying "different point of view") as the ultimate form of communication because everyone understands what is trying to be said. I was such a rebel, and also very wrong. Clichés are like the Tom Cruise of language. Making a lot of noise and thinking they are so clever, but never really accomplishing anything aside from confusing people or offering empty emotion (Help us Tom Cruise!). Using a cliché is like saying “I don’t really have anything to say but I bet I can trick you into thinking I’m intelligent.” This is how a cliché would solve a problem:

Hank: Well Jeff, when at first you don’t succeed: try, try again.

Jeff: You got that right Hank. The road to success is always under construction.

Hank: Sure is. We will just have to take it one step at a time, and remember: you can’t have it all.

Jeff: You bet. After all, Rome wasn’t built in a day Hank.

Socrates: Huh?

Completely meaningless, but I’m sure Jeff and Hank both feel they’ve contributed to the solution. Poor Socrates on the other hand is left with more static in the air and no solution in sight. Some of my personal favorite clichés: “What goes around comes around.” Really? When? I am constantly on the lookout for the Karma Police; sadly they are like the real police, never around when you need them. “It could be worse.” What a messed up thing to say.

Man 1: That SUV came out of nowhere.

Man 2: It could be worse.

Man 1: Both my legs are broken and I can’t remember the last year of my life. Wait let me check … yeah it’s worse.

The accompanying cliché is “It has to get worse before it gets better,” I think that was the project slogan for the Manhattan Project. Next time someone asks you for advice give them a good cliché and see what happens. It could be really funny.

Carl: I’m not sure if I’m ready to buy a house yet.

Jerry: You gotta go for it Carl. There’s nothing to fear but fear itself.

Carl: You think so Jerry?

Jerry: I know so. Carpe diem bro. Life is short.

Carl: You’re right man.

(A few hours later Carl is talking to his wife)

Wife: So did Jerry give you some good advice?

Carl: Yeah, he did.

Wife: Great. What did he say?

Carl: I can’t remember.

Cliché: the easiest way to say something without saying anything. I’m going to coin my own cliché to close, “Don’t say anything, say something.” See how easy that is? It sounds profound doesn’t it? But trust me it doesn’t mean a thing. Just like a celebrity endorsing a presidential candidate, completely meaningless, but kind of amusing (“Oh Suzan Sarandon thinks people remember who she is. That’s cute.”) The quasi moral of this entry is when you hear a cliché enter the room, kill it and kill it good. All a cliché does is take up time, space, and brain power that could be used in otherwise useful endeavors. Just give your conversations a 110%, and remember there is no “I” in team, but there is a “me” (Oh sports cliches are genius!).